Many people would love to blame their parents for the difficulties that they have experienced in life. However, it is clear from research that has been done over the years that twins separated at birth growing up in very different circumstances economically speaking, one in the city and one raised in the country, show that 55% of our behavior is based on environment and 45% is based on our genetics.
What is also interesting is that many people seem to have repeated some of the same problems that their parents have had once they have grown up. This according to Mark Manson who wrote a very interesting article on the subject called It’s Not All Your Parents Fault.
I would have to agree with Mr. Manson’s notion that kids can be damaged by abuse as well as being over protected. I have had clients that have fallen into both of these situations who have had some very challenging issues to overcome as a result.
What you need to understand is that at some point, each and every one of us is responsible for ourselves. That means, that it is up to each one of us to seek the understanding that we need to have to forgive those who have harmed us, including ourselves. It is up to us to find ways to compensate for those areas in life that we need to find more workable solutions to have a better life. And, is up to each of us to learn how to find the best in ourselves and live our life from that perspective.
Because in the end, we can blame our parents for all our troubles, but doing so will never allow us to live peaceful, contented and fulfilled lives. All blaming our parents does is bring about anger and resentment, which is the emotional cover for pain being felt. To release this pain, we need to understand it for what it is. It is our inner child feeling the upset of not having all our needs being taken care of which can be healed.
So, what do you do to handle this situation. You find yourself a mental health professional who knows how to help you to heal yourself, because doing this on one’s own is rather difficult. You could start by writing a journal and doing a list of gratitudes every day. However, to truly shift your perspective from blame and anger to understanding and inner peace, a professional would be warranted.
Here is the link to the article Mark Manson wrote. He’s a bit more assertive with his explanation than I have been.
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