One would think that telling someone that you care would be as natural as eating and sleeping. In all too many cases this is not the way it is. It wasn’t until I read an article written by Victoria Rosner for the New York Times titled “Shall I let My son See His Dying Dad?” that this hit home for me.

When I read the article on my computer it had reminded me of a situation that occurred in my own life.The article was about a 2 year old boy who never knew his father. His father had walked away from his mother when she was pregnant with him. He just could not deal with the responsibility of having a family, it didn’t mean he didn’t care, or did it? How was this two year old to know?

When the father of the 2 year old found out he had months to live, he decided then he wanted to know his son, and for his son to have the chance to know him. The father sent a letter asking the mother permission to contact the boy. The mother to her credit allowed the father to have contact with the boy, despite all the advice of “friends” telling her things that although may have been true on some level such as “He left you and he doesn’t deserve to see his son”, she instead forgave whatever she had to allowing her son to know his father. (See January 2010 newsletter on Forgiveness.) Being allowed to see his father enables him to have a lasting sense of security with the knowledge that his father cared about him.

The article I read was originally titled “Shall I forgive Him one Last time?” and I find it rather interesting that it took having a date of dying for this father to realize that he wanted and needed to have the relationship with his son. It seems for when we know that we may not have that chance, we are more apt to act, rather than take one another for granted. Perhaps it would be better for everyone if we could just take the time now to show we care.

I realized that if my father had told me occasionally that he loved me, that he cared about me, that he was thinking of me even though he did not live with my mother and me, it would have made all the difference in my world. A simple call letting me know he cared about me would have been enough. Had my father occasionally sent a card or called on a birthday, had taken a few moments of time to show he cared, it would perhaps be a lot easier for me to believe him today, 50 years later when he says “I love you“. Left unspoken only my father knew in his heart that he cared. He never conveyed it to me or anyone else for that matter. Because it was left to the imagination, it became skewed and distorted over time.

To know that this man cares about his boy regardless of whether he could support him, or be a father to him for whatever reason, is probably the most important memory he will have of his father when he thinks of him 50 years from now or maybe even tomorrow. To just know that he was loved and cared for in his father’s heart means more than all the money, fancy houses and toys that could be bought. To just be told this and have it occasionally reinforced can mean everything to a person. Sometimes it can be even more important than having a parent there 24/7. Is it that hard to send a card, or to pick up a phone?

Too often we go about our daily lives assuming people know how we feel. It seems like they should just know, but do they? Why is it so hard to tell someone you care? Probably because it is easier to assume they just know. People need to be told they are cared about and appreciated.

In an article by Rick Nauert, PhD, titled “Emotional Wealth Trumps Financial Wealth” August 10, 2009, a study was done “…what we’ve found is that while money may be able to make people live more comfortable lives, it won’t necessarily contribute to life’s pleasant moments that come from engaging with people and activities rather than from material goods and luxuries.”

I know another person who has all the money in the world however is very alone and miserable. She was born into money and has never had to work a day in her life. She has no real reason or passion in her life, no reason to face the day. She constantly tries to buy love and companionship with her money. She has no sense of self love or worth and no purpose to her life. Even though she has all the money in the world what she is unable to buy is someone to tell her she is loved or cared for. She is unable to buy someone to tell her she matters in this world. It is a proven fact that money cannot buy happiness proven by all the countless lottery winners who end up broke and miserable. Money can never buy the love or care of another human being.

The simple act of telling someone you love or care about them can really turn a life around and make a huge difference in someone’s life, or even save a life. Hallmark Greeting Cards makes millions off this fact, and there are a million songs written as well on this fact. Stevie Wonder’s “I just called to say I loved you” comes to mind, amongst many others.

Had the people that showed they cared in my life not have shown it when they did, I may have felt isolated and alone as my cousin did and hanged myself. The fact that a few people really showed they cared about me made a huge difference in my world. There are billions of people in the world, no one should ever feel that alone.

Take Simon and Garfunkel’s “The Sounds Of Silence” “…a rock feels no pain and an island never cries.” When a person feels alone and as if no one cares they begin to feel void of their emotions to the point of becoming dead inside like a rock. They become increasingly more isolated and depressed, unable to live life. They become like a rock on an island.

In another study reported in the Scientific American, June of 2008, researcher Steven Cole of the University of California L.A. reported that people that suffer from chronic loneliness show a change in their gene activity which could predispose them to all sorts of illness from a simple cold to deadly cancer.

Too often people assume the other person knows how they feel.People need to feel other people care and they need to care about other people as well. It gives people a reason to live knowing they are cared about and have others to care for. Too often it is taken for granted. Too often it is left unsaid. Too often it is said too late.

Tell someone you love and care about them today. If you find it difficult to get in touch with your emotions for one reason or another, hypnosis can help you get unstuck, so you can once again feel the emotions that are so vital to one’s life. For it is when we can feel our emotions that we can feel empathy for another which is the basis for all fulfilling relationships.

Article written by Donna N.

Recently I have moved from a place that I lived for the past 13 years to a smaller apartment. Now, any of you who have gone through this process can understand the concept of clearing out all the stuff that you no longer need. As hard as this exercise may be, there is I believe a harder one that many of us have difficulties getting through. This would be in the area of reviewing the relationships that you have in your life. I bring this up because I have realized that there were some relationships that I had that were not very healthy for me, others that needed to be reformatted so that I felt that I was receiving the attention that a caring long term relationship should have and releasing others that were not of any use and in some cases creating a negative energy that was not welcome.

Many of my clients find themselves in similar situations where the people with whom they are spending many hours of their time are a drain on them. It feels as if you are not getting heard or receiving the sort of attention that you feel you deserve and it hurts. It happens at work when your boss is giving you negative feedback, instead of assisting you to aspire to be the best that you can be. It happens in primary relationships when you feel taken for granted or worse, abused or ignored. And it can happen when you are in friendships where you feel that you are putting a lot of effort out, and not having it returned in like kind. In the more serious cases, you may feel used and abused by these “friends” or family of yours.

When we feel that we are not being heard or respected by those with whom we interact, sometimes we create interesting ways to deal with it, unconsciously of course. For instance if you feel your boss is unsupportive of you, you may create behavior that is counter productive to your job situation like showing up late, becoming antagonistic, or not being all that productive. If it is in your primary relationship you may decide to get your needs taken care of outside the relationship. If you are hanging out with people that drink and you have an issue in that area, you may find yourself once again getting drunk, for that seems to be what you need to do in order to fit in even though for you drinking leads to sabotaging yourself which brings feelings of failure.

The great motivational speakers all give the same advice of being aware with whom you interact, for that is what you will become. You need to think about the people with whom you choose to associate carefully. Over the years people can change. If you are growing you too are changing. Perhaps it would be useful to clear out all those individuals that are creating issues inside you and figure out if they are helpful or harmful to your sense of self. If this is an issue that you do not feel that you can handle on your own, perhaps working with a hypnotist will help you to understand exactly why you are choosing to stay in relationships that are keeping you from growing and feeling good about yourself. I know I had to get some assistance from outside myself in order to better understand how to deal with these influences on my life, creating a healthier way to live, for it can be difficult to really confront in an objective way. Your unconscious mind can assist you in better understanding what you need and want in each of the relationships From there it is easy to reconstruct the relationships feeling good about those with whom you give the ability to influence you.

In March 2005, I had a gentleman referred to me for smoking cessation; however, this was not the primary importance at the time we spoke. He had another problem that needed to be addressed immediately- teeth grinding.About eight years prior, his dentist noticed that many of his teeth had been totally worn down; some of them were cracked. At that time he realized that he was always grinding his teeth, but had no idea why. He thought he was content in his life. His dentist told him that he would need $40,000 worth of dental work to keep his own teeth. He followed through and had the work done. By the time we spoke, the teeth had grounded down again and one would never know that he had all that work done.His dentist told him that he would have to stop the grinding before he was to have any more work done on his teeth. While we were on the phone the client asked me if we could do anything to stop this destructive habit of his because he really wanted to keep his own teeth.I found out from a dentist that the reason that people grind their teeth (otherwise known as “bruxism” in the dental community) is because they have a lot of pent up anger, which increases adrenaline in their bodies. The body uses this adrenaline by the grinding of the teeth. It became obvious to me that the course of action was to find out what was creating all the anger then de-sensitize the emotional charge on each of the events that was creating that anger. Once that was accomplished the grinding of the teeth would stop.The first step was to do a Detailed Personal History on my client ; I found out that there were a few incidents that occurred in his twenties that triggered him. The first incident happened during WWII, when his father was fighting the socialist in France: he was captured and tortured, which lead to his death. His mother was devastated with this turn of events and become very depressed for the rest of her life. His oldest brother was having a difficult time with manic-depressive episodes and came after my client a couple of times with a knife trying to kill him. With all of these events, my client was forced to take on the role of the “father figure” for his large family. He did the best that he could under fairly difficult circumstances. Though he thought he was calm and in control of his life currently, he did realize that he was grinding his teeth not just at night, but all day long. We now knew why this was happening.Using a technique where he imagined the past traumatic incidents in a light trance state, we were able to desensitize him from the emotional charge of these negative events in his life. We then reframed the experiences so that he could understand how much he was able to learn about taking control of his life and doing what it takes to get through any adversity, while reclaiming his life, for all these things had happened 50 years ago and had no practical effect on his current life.A few years after the treatment, which lasted all of 5 hours, he is still not grinding his teeth any longer.If you have a known problem of grinding your teeth, I suggest you find yourself a competent hypnotist and NLP practitioner to assist you, for this is a very easy situation to get under control with the correct professional intervention. Incidentally, with any habit, once you discover and understand the triggers, it becomes much easier to let it go.

When people are victims of trauma they are already in a state close to hypnosis, as they are unable to escape the fearful thoughts that are running through their minds. It makes sense to use this same state to help them to free themselves of these painful memories, overcome their fears and recover their lives. Continue »

I recently did some hypnotic work on a gentleman who works with war veterans in Israel. It so happened that he was interested in having me work with the Israeli soldiers utilizing the same hypnotic techniques that helped him to let go of his own childhood traumas. Continue »