Jul 10 2014

Spreading Love Instead of Bullets, Untimely Death & Suicide

Love is in BonaireSpreading Love Instead of Bullets and Untimely Death -Vol. 266, June 21, 2014

In these last few years we have heard many stories in the news about fatal shootings at schools, public events and even in our own military’s compounds by their own soldiers. One needs to ask why this is happening at such an alarming rate given all that we know about mental health, development of the human mind and have the technology and know how to prevent it. Interestingly enough, we really didn’t need much of that knowledge because it hasn’t helped our situation at all.

When one looks to the indigenous peoples’ of the world, one will notice that they live in accordance with the natural laws. They are spiritual people any healing done on all the levels of human experience.  There is an understanding that nature has her own ways of healing the greater population. These peoples understand that it takes the whole community to live, each member having particular roles for the healthy working of their society.

Unfortunately here where technology has managed to take over so much of our time and attention – just keeping up with how to make it work with all the iterations of improvement every three months or so being time consuming, we have lost much of what makes us human. This is very sad and has lead to what I believe is the main reason that people are killing others in such a gross manner mainly by the hands of our teens and twenty-something year olds.

The indigenous people spend much time together farming, hunting, cooking and telling stories of wisdom handed down through the millennium. They live in small communities close to one another where everyone works together, each person’s contribution being respected for the need that it fulfills. These people understand that they don’t understand all the workings of the earthly nature, yet do their best to respect it and work with it as best they can.

So, what do they have that we have inadvertently lost in our own society given all the technology that is supposedly bringing us together in ways we couldn’t before? I would say true caring and interest in those with whom we share our lives. Because, I can tell you that when one goes without a physical hug, caress, or kiss one is left spiritually and emotionally depleted. We humans are like the ants and bees, needing the others of our community to give a damn enough to help one another out, needing to feel loved and cared for supported in our lives and missions. We need to know that our lives matter which is predicated on the feed back we receive from our own communities.

The idea that social media, living on our computers, isolating ourselves with MP3 players, DVDs and Podcasts and texting endlessly on our cell phones is only separating us more from those who truly are present, in the moment with us, allowing us to share those special moments that bring fulfillment to our relationships and thus to ourselves.

The kids of today have no idea in how to communicate their deeply felt thoughts, using cryptic abbreviations, misspellings of words in the briefest of communications usually done in the form of a text messaging. The art of real meaningful communication of deep emotion is being lost, with it the ties to those who could be there to love and support them in the only way that humans really understand it on the visceral level – through the in-person one-on-one interactions and the interactions in small intimate groups with shared interests.

So, I am going to share an intimate story with you on how important these loving interactions are and why we as a community, as a civilization need to get back to the basics of human love and compassion.

I lost my father 29 years ago now. It is hard to understand all the years that have gone by, the feelings of lost opportunity to gain the wisdom that he had to share having become the respected professional in his chosen career. He wasn’t perfect because no one is, however as far as dad’s go, he was among the very best there was to be had, with his gentle gestures of affection, his willingness to tell us those things he knew we didn’t want to hear, but needed to because of concerns that he felt for us. He had a great way of telling stories and jokes with a twinkle in his eye. Though he looked ridiculous on the tennis court with his big stomach and skinny legs and arms with his hat to protect his balding head from the sun, tennis racket at the ready – he had a gift for the game. He died when I was 23 years old, barely out of college and totally lost in how to make a life for myself. He had taught me many important lessons as I worked by his side in his dental office never realizing at the time, that I would be using these learnings in my practice. You can gain the insights he gave me in my downloadable book Learnings From My Journey which you can easily find here _(put in link to LFMJ)_.

For many years I felt this loss until the impossible happened, for I never thought anyone could ever fill my dad’s shoes. It happened in 2009 after I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I had this great fear of never being able to teach others how to heal addictions the way I had figured out, as the brain tumor was resting on a nerve to my optic center creating double vision. Luckily, it went away as quickly as it came, though the fear that my brain was being damaged by this tumor was at the front of my thoughts right after the tumor was found. I had decided years ago that I wanted to go to Israel. This after the fighting in the Gaza Strip, to use my healing methods to help my distant cousins who were being traumatized. That was the idea I had anyway. I knew of one person who could help me get there and was determined to get to his home and tell him what was going on with me and what I wanted to do. He knew that being unlicensed I was forbidden on doing hypnosis in Israel, though he thought the idea of a “much needed change” with a “teachable moment” would be a great healer. So, he offered to send me to Israel and told me “To see the whole country, meet my relatives which he had found in over a dozen years of genealogical research, put my wishes in the Whaling Wall and by all means have fun.”

I didn’t realize it till I returned from that trip three months later, how much this man had given me. Yes, the opportunity to go to the Holy Land was helpful on many levels. However, what really made that trip special were the weekly interactions we had because his one request was that I let him know how I was doing though he didn’t want me to feel like I HAD to do this, he wanted me to do it because “I care and am interested in how you are doing.” Because I realized that it was only because of his gracious offer that I was able to get away from all the practical realities of normal living, giving me a place where I could do my own healing, that I felt it only fair to give him updates on all the places I saw, many of them his own suggestions. More importantly those realizations that I was coming to about how I was going to move forward in putting my life back together, the brain tumor coming on the heals my divorce after twenty plus years of marriage. Because this was what he really wanted to know – that I was doing much better as a result of his gift of getting me as far away from any responsibilities as he could.

I have kept in regular contact with my cousin since then, making it my business to visit him when I could, always feeling calm and loved by his warm gentle presence and desire to be as helpful as he could be. He has even been there to give me those necessary words of caution when called for in the assertive manner of only one who truly cares would do. It was in the last that I realized that here was a man six years younger than my dad would be if he were still alive, turning 83 on July 10, giving to me what nobody else would or could – the gift of being truly caring by bring interested in what I am doing and wanting to help out in any way he can by asking me what he can do to be of help.This is what my new definition of love is, because we as humans have lost the consciousness of what true love is somehow. We get it caught up in things bought and given to us, our need to be free to do what we desire even if it means hurting someone we love, or defending or putting another down, thinking that if it is done with humor as most sarcasm is thought to be rather than the anger that is really behind it or worse of all taking the love and care given to us for granted – none of these have anything to do with love. All of these have everything with love lost and not so easily regained.

Bill Fern, has given me back what I lost at the age of 23 and in some sense needed more at the age of 48 given all that I was contending with at this later stage in life. He gave me the belief that there was at least one older person in my family who never needed to judge me, never needed to tell me that I had to get a job giving up on my own career path, never told me that I was a bad person for having a hard time making my bills in a terrible economy when he was helping others who were having a hard time making ends meet. No, he never did any of that ever. All he ever did was keep me aware of what I needed to do to keep my own health and wellbeing at the fore front supporting me in my various projects and desire to get my work out there realizing that this isn’t the easy way to live life. However, it was the most fulfilling way for me to live my life. That my readers is what true love is about. And, for the love and care given I sent this very special man a “Happy Father’s Day” email, as it was suggested by one of my greatest supporters in the work that I do, having regained her own life through our work together. It was a weird thing to put into words for Bill Fern the feelings felt because he just wants me to think of him as a “special friend.” I have many special friends, and he is so much more than that, just because of the very special way that he has given himself to what was one of several hundred cousins he had found and met over the years all over the world. He is the sort of person that we need to be creating more of and because we are not, we are seeing people feeling lost and feeling, “all alone in the world” feeling, “unworthy of love and care” feeling “self-loathing” which is at the core of why we are seeing the killings we are seeing. The fact the suicide is the 3rd largest killer of kids between the ages 12 and 23, pain killers the number one substance abused leading to heroin abuse, it being much cheaper to purchase on the streets and some finding even more lethal drugs even more cheaply to kill them alive as their bodies are rotting from the inside out from the toxic chemicals from which they are made.

Dear readers, if you want to do something that doesn’t cost you a dime, that can truly heal the world one person at a time, start with your own family. Do those things that are necessary to really let those in your life know that they matter, just because they are alive and able to do amazing things with their lives. That they are loved and cared for by the gestures you make to let them know they are cherished in the ways that they have set forth as meaningful to them. Listen and learn if you don’t know how to do this for your loved ones. And, once you have your own house in order, go out and share your love and care for those who are in desperate need be it the elders who are living isolated lives unable to get out as they once did with many of their friends and family having crossed over. Spend some time helping the poor and less fortunate. Spend time mentoring a younger person. Or, perhaps you would rather build a garden or a home for someone. It doesn’t matter how you do it, get out there and be totally present while you are with whomever you have chosen to spend your time, making sure they are totally present for you. In this way we can heal the people of the world while we heal ourselves, because love does matter and always will for all the right reasons. As you can see, I can attest to that fact. Please let me know what you have realized by taking these steps in your own life, because I am certain that your whole view of what matters in life will be changed in many profound ways of which you could have no conception till you get out and do it!





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