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Sep 05 2013

Should I Stay In My Marriage? 5 Situations to Help Answer that Question

Broken Heart Robot is LonelyShould I Stay In My Marriage? 5 Situations to Help Answer that Question Vol. 215, September 5, 2013

Being in the business of hypnotism one hears many stories of how people feel about their lives. One of the most important aspect of anyone’s life is the person with whom they are married. Because marriage is a legal contract that one needs to go to court to be released from, much thought needs to go into whether this is something that is merited for the situation at hand. In this weblog I am going to address some situations when it is a good idea to seriously think about extricating one’s self from a marriage.

When you got married you had thought you were in love. Over the years as the responsibilities built up it becomes more evident that you are unhappy and even feeling as if you don’t belong there anymore. This can happen in a few different ways:

1) Your spouse keeps all the finances from you, and yet you are finding that the bills are not getting paid, taxes haven’t been filed in years and your spouse may be isolating you from your own family and friends. This is a case when one is dealing with a person who is being abusive to you and you need to leave.
2) Your spouse is out for longer and longer amounts of time blaming it on work. You have the intuition to believe that something is going on, yet s/he denies that anything is going on. Add to that there are credit card charges in large amounts of money for things you know were not purchased for you or your family. It is time to see a marriage counselor and find out what the truth is and work from there. Many times the cheating spouse will refuse to go blaming the one that isn’t cheating for doing something that caused the cheater to cheat. In this case it may be best to move on.

 

3) All you do now is fight and blame one another for the misery that is between you. Ask yourself what the real issue is. Could it be that there is no longer any more love between you? Do you feel that your spouse is no longer emotionally available to you uninterested in anything that you are doing currently? It may well be a case of growing in different directions and as such it may be time to move on to allow you each to be in better situations going forward. Why be with someone who is no longer happy in the marriage?
4) Your spouse has some sort of substance abuse issue or is gambling a lot. You want them to get help and yet they refuse to. There really isn’t much one can do with a person who is unwilling to get help. It becomes your responsibility to yourself and any kids you may have to start anew.
5) You married your spouse because you didn’t think you could do any better. You are miserable because it isn’t a good match. Be fair to your spouse and move on allowing the spouse to have someone who really cares about them to share life with.

It can be very scary going out on your own when you are used to the better life style that two incomes can bring. It can be even more scary going out on your own when you never were able to be financially stable on your own. However, the truth of the matter is that by staying in a toxic marriage you are creating all sorts of larger issues for both of you.

In many cases the people that I see who have come from abusive  or unhappy relationships suffer with all sorts of medical and psychological issues. This includes everything from depression and anxiety in its many guises to aches and pains eroding the general quality of life. Any chronic condition is worsened when one is emotionally stressed out, so it is much better to deal with these situations rather than allowing it to go on. Search your soul and listen to it. Then you will know what the right course of action is for you. If you are in a situation that you feel could be dangerous, reach out to professionals to help you to extricate yourself safely from the situation.

 

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photo by: Grim Santo

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