Vol. 57, October 2007
Every now and again I receive calls from potential clients who are having difficulty having sexual relations with the partner that they love. Recently I had a gentleman call in because he experienced pain every time he was sexually active with his partner. The first question that I asked him was if he was checked out by a medical doctor to make sure that any potential physiological problems were ruled out. He gave me a very long list of specialist that he had consulted with, none of them able to find any physical reason for his pain. Now I want to be very clear here, that the pain that he was feeling was in his stomach area for the most part., which was very interesting given the situation at hand. He also had a difficulty keeping his erection even though he very much wanted to enjoy the sexual relationship with his partner.
When he came in to do the work we cleared all the negative emotional issues that were connected with his previous relationships. We also cleared his limited beliefs and still the situation continued. The next step was to have him bring his partner in and to work with the two of them together. What became very clear was that there was ongoing anger on her part toward him that was never expressed for fear that he would be angry and unable to deal with her feelings. This was based on past experience. There were also unreasonable expectations placed on her in terms of how she was to be with him while he was neglecting the previous attention to creating a romantic and loving environment for their love making. This is something that she appreciated and missed. On his part he acknowledged that he had a very difficult time just allowing him self to enjoy the moment because his mind was always analyzing what needed to happen next or worse worrying about not being able to perform yet again. All the spontaneity was gone. Both of them felt that this was a large part of the overall problem. In fact because of his inability to have sexual intercourse with her, she felt that she was missing out on her sexual growth and was angry about that as well.
They made an agreement to let go of the anger by dealing with issues as they came up. She felt safer doing this because he promised to listen to what she had to say without getting angry. He also let go of previous demands that she be in a certain mind set during the love making, laughing at his notion that he had the right to even expect this from her. He also recommitted to setting the mood as he used to do and she agreed to assist him. Regarding his analytical mind, he decided to allow himself to feel the wonders of a great connection with the woman that he loves allowing him to get out of his own way. Together they realized that they were more than ready to move on and to allow their relationship to heal and move forward.
The important ideas here to be taken away are to be as caring and giving to your partner as you desire them to be to you. If you notice that these behaviors or attitudes are changing it is time to have an honest discussion with your partner as to why it is that things are changing in a manner that is incompatible with a loving relationship. Be aware of negative emotions especially anger coming out in ways that are destructive. Get them dealt with as soon as you notice what is happening. If the situation has gotten out of control it is time to get some outside help. The beauty of doing couples work with a hypnotist is that it is easier for both parties to discuss with one another exactly what is happening and do it in a way that is productive and as positive as is possible. The unconscious mind will be able to handle the underlying issues without undo emotions getting in the way. Once each party finds it safe to share the information that is needed, resolving the issues at hand can be done simply and easily. It is also useful to note that when a person is in a hypnotic state and the positive is stated it will penetrate in a way that is truly healing.
Do I have a Sex Addiction? Now What?
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