Jun 09 2016

How To Deal With Normal Emotional Issues In Your Life

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 How To Deal With Normal Emotional Issues In Your Life – Vol. 365, June 9, 2016

Over the years I have written many weblogs on the various mental health issues that arise in life. Some of them can be very serious like depression, eating disorders, and addictions. Others confound people in the symptoms of not being able to do much to move their lives forward – maybe not deadly, though deadening to the soul such as grieving losses, anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorders.

In this weblog I would like to give you a different angle on all of this to separate the truly dysfunctional from normal feelings that people have during the course of life. Because this is the thing: all humans have feelings and some of those feelings don’t feel very good. However, they aren’t going to damage you so long as you take proactive steps to handle them. So here we go:

The first thing that I would like you to realize is that there is a great difference between someone who is unable to function due to depressed feelings, from that of a person who has lost someone close to them or perhaps a beloved pet. If you have lost someone close to you, it is normal to feel sadness and to feel a bit dissociated from “reality” as you may be in a bit of shock. Allow yourself to feel those feelings, to acknowledge the loss in your life, feeling the feelings that come up. It is the best way for you to deal with this situation. I would also suggest that you get quiet and get in touch with all the great things that you learned from having this person or pet in your life. Bring them into your heart and be clear that they will always live there with you. This doesn’t mean that you won’t miss them. Rather, you will change that feeling of missing them from your life, to an appreciation of what you learned from them and how they helped to improve your life for having been a part of it.

Anxiety is one of those feelings that can get very debilitating if allowed. Remember that anxiety comes from something that hasn’t even happened yet, something that may or may not happen in the future. So, the first thing you need to recognize is that the anxiety isn’t about anything that is real. Second, anxiety and excitement feel very similar. So, I would suggest that you find something about the anxious feelings that you are feeling and turn them into excitement. For example:

If you have a presentation that you need to give and you’re anxious about it, think of the purpose behind giving the presentation. What do you want the outcome to be from giving the presentation? If it is a grade in school, make sure that you are doing the presentation on something that you care about and are excited about. That way when you get up to give your presentation, you will be excited about the subject matter.

If you are going to give a presentation to educate a group about your product or service,  find an interesting angle to teach about your offering. Answer the questions that your customers have for you, because that will allow your subject to have more intrigue then just doing a straight presentation of facts and figures.

Second, realize that the presentation is only going to take a limited amount of time so will be over quickly enough. Have fun with the audience and know that they want you to succeed because it makes the experience better for them. Before giving the presentation, take some deep breaths to help relax you and then get into your presentation. A few moments into your presentation the nerves will leave and you may very well find yourself having fun. At that point you will find that your worries were most likely for naught.

If you are anxious about a situation that is coming up that is feeling particularly difficult, make sure that you have done what you need to do to be ready for the situation at hand. Preparation is the best way to handle these things.

If you are anxious because of a medical appointment be ready with your questions and get a second opinion. I have heard of many people who were told to have operations that were not necessary mainly for knees, hips and torn rotator cuffs, when physical therapy and a better diet did the trick.

Many people feel that they may have obsessive compulsive disorder. Again, unless checking behavior or compulsive behavior is making you late to school or work for example, you don’t have an issue that needs to be dealt with through psychiatric means. There is nothing exceptional about checking that the stove is off a couple of times or that the door is locked on your way out.

So, do yourself a favor and stop overusing psychiatric terms that don’t apply to you.

Give yourself a means to contend with the normal feelings that arise knowing that you have what you need inside you to deal with it.

Jun 06 2016

149:Beware of Things That Sound Too Good to Be True

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 12:02 — 11.0MB)

Here is a cautionary tale about almost failing for something that sounds too good to be true. We all want to believe it when some presents an option that seems extraordinary, however, any true offer should be able to past some simple reality checks.

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Jun 02 2016

A New Take On Addiction & Its Causes

 

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Photo by Neon Tommy

A New Take On Addiction & Its Causes – Vol. 364, June 2, 2016

Johann Hari wrote a thought provoking blog post for Huffington Post called The Likely Cause of Addiction Has been Discovered and It is Not What You Think

After many experiments done on rats, it becomes evident that the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it  is social engagement. In one experiment in particular the rats were placed in isolated cages with nothing to do, with cocaine added to their water. They were left there for 57 days straight and became obsessed with the water and kept coming back for more.

When the rats were taken out of isolation and put into rat parks, with toys, tunnels, many friends and two water bottles, one with the cocaine asses and one without, the rats no longer wanted the drugged water.  The only change in the rats seen was a few twitches from withdrawal.   

A comparison was made between those who are street addicts who are alone and isolated and the isolated rats who only had the cocaine water to stimulate them. They had nothing to do but to take the drug. Nine out of ten of rats died if that was all they were given.

The person who takes the drug in a hospital hardly ever gets addicted to the drug. This is because they return home to loving relatives and activities they enjoy. There is no reason to continue to take the drug so they easily stop taking it.

So the premise made here by Professor Peter Cohen who did these experiments on rats is that because human beings get satisfaction from bonding and forming connections with others, if we can’t connect with one another, we will bond with anything including drugs, gambling, shopping, whatever.

I find this very interesting as a person who has worked with people with various forms of addictions. It takes away the idea that one needs a power higher then they to let go of these addictions and the morality play that the 12-step programs have in place and instead goes to the root of the problem. A problem that I believe is getting worse based on all the screen time people have versus spending time face-to-face with their friends and family. It has caused many to feel more isolated and alone bringing on depression, which then in turn can become various addictions to hide those lonely depressed feelings.

I also appreciate Ms. Haris’ observation that the reason the addictions treatment became a morality play instead of an illness that deserves treatment is because of the frame that is used in the 12-step programs. Programs that have been shown to not work because 70% of the people who attend meetings stop after 6 months. Adding to that is the whole idea that many are turned off by having to defer to a power higher than they to let go of their addictions.

I have found in my own practice that the best way to treat addictions is to first help the addict “fall back in love” with themselves, so that they want to take better care of themselves. Then we need to help them to get involved in their lives again, finding things of more interest then their addictions. We call this a “compelling future” because it is something that the addict feels compelled to do and is based on something bigger then they. I do believe for those with addictive habits, a course of treatment to dislodge the brain’s association with the addiction is mandatory. Lastly, boundaries need to be created to have functional and respectful relationships first with themselves and then with others.

I have no use for the outdated 12-step model where the responsibility of the addict to become non-addicts is taken away. Also, as a hypnotist, I am well aware of the recurring statements of one stating that they are and will always be an addict, will only cement in their minds that they will always have to be an addict with the thoughts and feelings of an addict, constantly fighting their addictions. This is an untrue and unwise approach to addiction treatment, but allows the rehab centers to become wealthy for the many who repeatedly end up there.

I also know that there are three ways for an addict to become a non-addict:

First, is the compelling future to be doing and being more important things than the addiction. Second, is a a religious conversions which we hear about happening in prisons and third is to get them out of the theatre of war, abusive relationships whatever the stress is that caused the addiction.

So, it is quite true that an addict has many ways to release themselves from addictions. True emotional connection with other human beings is a very important part of that process.

The Huffington Post  article is based on Johann Hari’s book Chasing The Scream where she chronicles her research into the better understanding of addictions which you can find at: www.chasingthescream.com.

Photo by Neon Tommy

May 30 2016

148:Transitions

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 16:20 — 15.0MB)

Some people resist change, others embrace it. Whichever you are, you will be able to learn something from this episode about how to handle the transitions of life.

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May 26 2016

A Practical Lesson on the Dangers of Prescription Drugs

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Photo by TheChristianAlert.org

 A Practical Lesson on the Dangers of Prescription Drugs – Vol. 363, May 26, 2016

About a month ago I volunteered at the Drugs Will Kill Youth Summit for Torrence & Lomita youth. We had about 80 youth between the ages of 11 and 18 participate. The summit was set up to educate the youth about the toxicity of drugs and alcohol. We set out to give them the tools they needed to respect themselves and their lives instead of falling for peer pressure.

There were two young teens who I saw outside the main meeting room during a break who were speaking to one another. I asked them if they had learned anything during the first presentation. They said that they did not because they weren’t paying any attention. I told them that was really too bad, because the information that they were there to receive could very well save their lives, if they cared at all about their lives.

During the next session there were four presentations that were being given on drug and alcohol abuse. I was headed for the one on the dangers of prescription drugs having just been invited to it by the presenters on that topic. It also happens to be a subject that I know a little about given my work in the business of hypnosis.

During the presentation, a video was played where some of the young adults spoke of how easy it was to become addicted and the horrific lives they lead in that addicted state. Others spoke of terrible situations that they found themselves in as a result of taking drugs. The main message given was that prescription drugs are prescribed for the person who is taking them. They are not to be taken by anyone else because these are toxic chemicals that your body really doesn’t know how to handle. The situation is worse if you have no idea what you are ingesting.

I brought up a few examples from my practice where one person who was given some opiate pain killers for a knee operation at the age of 18, found herself addicted to them for the next 15 years. I spoke of another young woman who had taken some drugs and was confined to a wheel chair in a senior living annex of a hospital seen biting her arm, her brain no longer functioning as it had. I had another client, 19 years old who was got so drunk she blacked out, only to find herself raped by a guy who was at the party with her.

The presenters spoke of a party game that is played where a bowl is filled with prescription drugs and each participant takes some and ingests them not knowing what the are and how they are meant to act on the body. The youth were told that there are many Emergency Room visits as a result of this particular activity and not all the kids end up alive.

I bring this up to get you thinking about what you are doing. To think before you act. And, most of all, if you are a youth at a party where drugs are available, do yourself a favor and remove yourself before something horrible happens to you or someone who is present. It is bad enough hearing about the stories, it is much worse to have taken some part in it.

Photo by TheChristianAlert.org

May 23 2016

147:Honoring Yourself

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 12:39 — 11.6MB)

Have you ever felt like you are being held back by the opinions that others hold of you. Learn how to honor yourself and who you are authentically are.

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May 19 2016

Spirituality: A Personal Understanding

  e836b30e2bfd083ecd0b470de7444e90fe76e6d318b8144892f1c0_640_spirituality-1Spirituality: A Personal Understanding – Vol. 362, May 19, 2016

I remember when I first started working in mental health back in 1993. The position I had was as the Social Coordinator of the program. It was a consumer position, meaning that the person who held this job had to be a consumer of mental health services. This was one of the most fun, yet challenging positions I ever had as we had close to 200 clients coming through the building every day for the various services provided. My position was in the social club called The Gathering Place It was a safe place for people with all sorts of mental health issues to hang out and do social activities together.

One day I was speaking to one of the other consumer providers about the whole idea of what spirituality is. I had told him that I didn’t think I was a spiritual person. He disagreed with me telling me that I had to be to be a spiritual person to be working with mentally ill people. He also knew that I absolutely loved my job.

So, I got to thinking about what spirituality means and I decided that this coworker of mine was correct. Because, to my mind, it is really about making the world better for having been here. Certainly working in a non-profit, for little money at the time, had less to do with the spiritual nature of the job then helping to raise the spirits of the clients in the program while teaching them better coping strategies.

Since that time I have had many other health issues to contend with and let me tell you I have learned more about spiritual practices along the way. My favorite example is from Kabbalah, where one is taught to be a channel for bettering others lives using your talents, education and interests to do your Creator’s work. I love that explanation, because though one can go to the religious buildings and go through the prayers and rituals, the true spiritual practice has much more to do with helping those that cross your path.

I had been away from the temple of my youth, the reform synagogue of Judaism for over 30 years, never having found one where I felt comfortable. Being a casual person, I needed a place where it felt fun and relaxing. Here in San Pedro, I found that place. However, as great as being around the music of my childhood and heritage is, even better is that I can sometimes feel my deceased dad’s presence with me while I am there. He wasn’t a religious person at all, raised in the orthodox synagogue, finding many of their rituals a bit much to deal with as he explained to me one afternoon. However, he did feel strongly that all his children needed to have an idea of who they were and that included the history of the Jewish people.

As I am writing this we are getting ready to celebrate Passover. It is during this holiday when we Jews are reminded that we were people in a strange land, after being let out of slavery. This is an important idea for us to always remember, because it is that idea which allows many of us to reach out to those who are being stripped of their rights, those who are less well off then we are, and those who are new to the country or even the town in which they live. To treat them with love, care and respect as we would like to be treated.

When I work with my clients I bring them up to their ‘higher” consciousness to allow them to be connected to their divine, whether it is the “universe”, “G_d”, Jesus, Buddha, or something else that they believe in. Because, it is in this fashion that we are able to get the defenses of the unconscious mind, the part that runs all of us, out of the way, to allow the healing to occur.  In helping with that healing, I am being of service to my Creator in the best way that I know how.

So, I have come a long way from my rational mind, into the realm of the spirit. If you are a person who hasn’t yet connected, realize that it was through my hypnosis training that I found my own understanding of spirituality. I was over 40 years old at the time and knew it was something that was missing from my life. I just didn’t know how to find a spiritual practice that worked for me. From what I learned in my hypnosis training, around the time someone is 40 or even 50 years old, is about the time most start looking for some spiritual practice to bring peace, calm and a sense of help from the divine into their life.

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