Stop Allowing Your Past to Determine Your Present & Future – Vol. 404, March 9, 2017
I don’t know about you, but I know that I am not a person who likes to live in the past. Why? Because even though there were some very interesting and fun times back there in my past, there were also some very horrid ego killing episodes as well. I bring this up because there are so many people who are stuck in their past, living with the resentment, the guilt, the fear, the sadness, and worst of all the shame of whatever they feel they have done back there in their past.
I am here to tell you that we all have ups and downs in life. We all have done things that we wish we didn’t and yet, it is the truth of human behavior to do things and say things that may not always put us in the best light.
My question to you is this: How many years are you going to allow go by holding on to all this garbage in your life? How long are you going to feel poorly about yourself for whatever you may have done back there in the past? And, how long are you going to make those in your life that may have done things back there in your past, pay for those past acts that you feel hurt you?
I want to share a story with you from my resent past to demonstrate what I am speaking of here.
I have a sister who was always so sarcastically mean to me. It didn’t matter that my ex-husband and I gave up several weekends to help her ex-boyfriend fix up her home. It didn’t matter that we did fun things together – she would always find a way to put me down and upset me. This went on for 35 years – to the point where I threw her out of my life, no longer wanting to deal with her anger being projected on to me, especially because she was never willing to speak about the real reason why she acted this way toward me.
This past Thanksgiving I called her on the phone after we had a few favorable interactions through email. It was time to set myself free of my own resentment of her behavior toward me. If a phone call was what it took, as hard as it was going to be, so be it.
The underlying issue was what I thought it was. However, the specifics of the situation that were unknown to me were finally being related. Frankly, it had less to do with me, then it had to do with unfair treatment she felt she suffered by another’s attitude toward her, in relationship to me. Someone she thought she could trust. And, the fact of the matter was that given the similar situations that we found ourselves, all those years ago, we were indeed treated differently by the same person. However, she didn’t know that till she had the guts to tell me her truth.
I haven’t spoken to her since regarding anything of personal importance since then. However, what I gained from that conversation was knowing that she needed to deal with her own stuff. Because, even though I was a part of the story of her hurt, I wasn’t the one who hurt her, not at all. We were both victimized and that was my message to her. Stop taking responsibility for the harm that was done to you by another’s acts. Stop hurting yourself with this ancient past. Allow yourself to feel free in the life that you have created. She is now married to a wonderful man, She does work that she finds fulfilling and is aligned with her values, so she is indeed a lucky woman. However, she needs to allow herself the ability to let go of the past trespasses to fully enjoy what she currently has in her life.
I don’t really know if she has been able to let go of her past history, Though I certainly hope she has for her own good and the good of those with whom she interacts on a daily basis.
For me, I live 3,000 miles away from her, so I won’t be seeing her anytime soon. It’s enough to know that I did put this part of my own history into my past to allow me to move forward with my own life . I invite you to do the same.
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