Many people know John Gray, Ph.D. from his best selling book Men are From Mars, Women Are From Venus which speaks to how to best communicate with the opposite gender given the very real differences in the physiology of the male and female brains. What most people don’t know and what I had the experience to learn straight from his own lips, was both how he decided to become a psychologist and more importantly to me, how he got involved in a more holistic approach to healing given my own leaning toward this approach in my hypnotic practice. Let me explain:
John Gray was recently a guest at Harvard’s Extension School’s Wellness Club where he spoke from his heart about what he has learned about the human brain and the psychological and nutritional requirements needed for men and women to get along with both of them feeling loved and supported in their primary relationships. This is very important information which I will share with you a bit later. First, I would like to tell you a bit about the feelings I got from John’s humble and humorous teachings, his way of describing his presentation style.
John Gray spoke of his brother being bipolar and asking for his help. So, John took him on a trip to the Swiss Alps to get him to a new place where he could just unwind and be away from the stressors of life. Of course, as john humbly put it, this didn’t help his brother very much. So, in a further effort to help his brother he decided to become a psychologist, to better understand what his brother was going through and be a better help to him. Unfortunately, even with all this effort, his brother still committed suicide. Though he is sad he couldn’t help his brother, he is grateful for all the people he has been able to help and continue to help including himself, over the years. You see, about 10 years ago he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease and the treatments and the “management” of the illness were not anything that John wanted to partake in. He wanted to find a way to cure his own illness, heal whatever was creating the problem. Like many of us who find our own healing powers, John found that dealing with stress healthfully along with appropriate nutrition were the answers to his complete healing. This lead him to figure out why so many autistic kids are autistic these days going from 1 in 10,000 boys in 1985 to 1 in 38 today – a HUGE increase in an illness that makes it very difficult for those affected to be have normal social interactions, making life hard for both them and those with whom they need to interact. John states that with the increase in anti-inflammatories given right before inoculations are given, the fevers that are created to get rid of the inflammation is never experienced. Without the fever all the poisons that are in the inoculations create this side-effect of autism. This was proved when fevers came about, the symptoms of autism disappeared, reappearing after the fever had broke. John points to the example of the Cubans who are required to have prescriptions to get N-SAIDS, which means that kids never have exposure to them before inoculations. The Cubans have kept to the 1 in 10,000 rate of autism for all of these years. I found this to be very interesting.
In regard to the work that he has been doing in the field of healthy, loving relationships he points out the differences in what men need versus women to feel healthy. It all goes back to men being hunters and needing high testosterone levels to go out in the bush to get the hunting done. When he had procured food for his family, he was able to rest allowing his testosterone levels to build. Understand that a man has up to 30 time the amount of testosterone a woman has. Once expended, he needs to rebuild it once it is depleted. It is the depletion of testosterone that creates the need for the man to “go into his cave” and relax and replenish as John puts it. Today the average man does this after a full day of work of problem solving, which depletes his testosterone. He replenishes it be taking a half hour or so to be alone watching television, watching the news or walking the dog – something that allows him to be alone without having to solve any more problems for a while.
Compare this to a woman who in the cave man days was hunting and gathering fruits, vegetables, seeds and nuts. She was always surrounded with other women who helped her in rearing her children as well as always being their to speak to one another. This raises a woman’s oxytocin level which allows her to feel content, relaxed and happy. With the need or desire for her to be out in the working world she needs to act more like a man, putting on the fronts needed to be successful in the male dominated business world. When she gets home from work she needs to talk to her lover, to let go of her stress and rebuild her oxytocin again. Unfortunately, when her significant other brushes her aside to go into his cave to refill his testosterone reserves she may interpret that act as his not being interested in her day and maybe not in her at all. The answer is to allow the man to go into his cave and speak to him after he has had his requisite half hour to replenish.
With a better understanding of how our brains are developed we can create much more loving and supportive relationships. Women with the need for communication, to be heard and cared for just by being listened to, without the need for any problems solving. Men need to be loved and appreciated for all he does, for his mind is set on completing tasks, especially those that will make his loved one happy. With this understanding it becomes much easier for us to respect the physiological differences that we have, while using many of the suggestions that John has set out in his books to help the two genders get the love they each desire and deserve.
John has also written an important book on how the differences between the genders with a colleague of his Barbara Annis called Work With Me just out this year. I have read most of it and can tell you that many of the misunderstandings in the workplace between the genders can be easily taken care of once the differences in how they each work. Men like to do their part, each contributor taking on a different task and the credit for his completion of his part. Women like to collaborate and give credit to one another for the work that was done. There are many other great points of difference that are illuminated in this book, so I strongly suggest you read it if you are having any difficulties getting along with someone of the opposite gender in your workplace, especially if that person happens to be a boss.
John continues his research in how to create better wellbeing for the humans of this earth. His original book was on the New York Times Best Sellers list for over five years and interpreted into 50 different languages. Quite a success for a book he wasn’t sure would sell at all, as he humble stated during his Harvard teaching moment. I know he has another book coming out real soon and will get you the details on that one when it becomes available. Because, the one thing that I really appreciate is when someone is continually learning new ways of creating health and wellness with both the desire and ability to share it with the world as John has been doing for over 30 years now.
For your convenience, here are Amazon links to the John Gray books referred to in this article:
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