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Jun 16 2014

How to Help Someone with Depression: Show You Care – Vol. 146, April 27, 2012

How to help someone with depression How to help someone with depression

We all need to know that we matter to our friends and family and yet I find it interesting that most people haven’t a clue in how to go about doing that. Maybe the real problem is that they haven’t an idea in how important it is to let others know that they do in fact care about them.

When I found out that I had the brain tumor a few years ago, the only question that I had for the doctor was regarding my treatment options. He let me know that surgery wasn’t possible because of its location where many nerves and arteries were making excising the whole mass impossible without damaging some other necessary part of my anatomy. Leaving it alone wasn’t a realistic option given the double vision that brought me to know that the brain tumor was present. So radiation was the only realistic course of action.

It was this knowledge that I was to undergo six weeks of radiation that helped my cousin make the decision to fund my trip to Israel right after my course of treatment was over. You see, my cousin was 79 years old at the time and I was only 48, and he felt terrible about the situation that I found myself in. I had told him I wanted to go there to help some of the family members with traumas they had experienced after the bombing of their homes in the north of Israel during the fighting in the Gaza strip. My cousin being an intelligent man knew not only that without a medical license to practice hypnosis I wasn’t allowed to do any hypnosis in Israel. He also knew that I needed the trip for my own healing purposes which indeed was what that trip came to mean to me. He told me that I was to focus on myself and give myself a break from doing any work.

Through all of our interactions before, during and after the trip his one refrain to me was: “I am interested and really care about you.” He continued by telling me that though he would love to hear about what I was doing during my extended time over in Israel, I needn’t feel obligated to email him anything, it was totally up to me.

Think about this a moment: Here is a man I had a few conversations with over the previous decade who knew who I was, however not much better than the majority of the 500 or so relatives he had tracked down doing his 12 ½ years of research on his father’s genealogy. Yet, when I told him of my fears of never being able to get my work out there after having spent a life time healing myself and learning how to heal others of health issues the conventional medical community say is impossible he comes up with the money to give me a break from reality. He figured with “a much needed change” that I  would come back and do my healing work more able to get it out into the greater world- work that is the essence of who I am. Work that I found I missed after being gone from it for three months.

Contrast this to another encounter that I had with a gentleman who I have known for about thirty-three years with whom we considered ourselves close enough to be siblings. We had a large falling out – the second such in the past few years over the issue of his dismissing something that was very important to me because it was important to one of my friends, in this instance. We have for the past few decades combined our resources to run Passover, usually including people who have never experienced it before. It is a very meaningful holiday tradition not only in the symbolism, more important in the sharing of a great feast and tradition with those with whom we feel close. When one of my best friends requested months ago that I ought to run one this year I was fine with that idea, feeling moved that she was so moved from the experience she had with us a couple of years ago. When I asked my long time friend to do this with me his response was: “no one was interested.”

To this day he hasn’t a clue why I cut him out of my life because he just didn’t care enough to even ask why it was that this event was so important. You see, it wasn’t important to me just for my sake. It was important to me because of the fact that it was important enough to my friend that she repeatedly asked when we were going to do it. When I had a date to run Passover I invited my ex-husband who is friends with another close friend of mine who emailed me requesting to come as well once she heard that I was doing it. My Godson ran the event with me. It was such a pleasant time the outcome was to have regular monthly gatherings at my new place so that we could enjoy one another’s company.

This my readers is what life and living is all about. This is what friendship is about. This is what caring is all about. If you want to have people who really do care about you, you need to really care about them by demonstrating that you care about about those things that they really care about as well.

My cousin was very interested about how I was doing because he understood the compromising of my health and well being, not just regarding the brain tumor at the time, more the compounded stress of the divorce and some other challenges that had occurred around that time. He really did and does continue to care about me and what it is that I am doing with my new release on life. We talk when I call him to update him on what I am doing. He is always letting me know how “gratified” and “overjoyed”  he is to see all that I am doing in this world, all the while never taking any credit for any of it. The trip was a gift, that was all it was in his mind – nothing more though to me it was a new release on my life.

To my friend who wanted me to run the Passover event it was a chance to get together for a very interesting, spiritually based evening with real good friends of hers eating a feast. What could be more fun?

To my now ex-friend – he missed the boat, never able to really understand the things that were meaningful to me – always interested in those things that he could do that he thought were meaningful to me, and yet, were more meaningful to him to help him feel good about himself. The problem with this is that one can do many things that they “think” will be meaningful to another, however until you are sensitive to what really matters to those who you claim to love, respect, enjoy, by following through with being there in the way that matters to them, you are at best fooling yourself and may very well find yourself minus one friend.

If on the other hand you are able to care about what is important to your friends you will have friends who will always be there for you in ways you could never fathom before. This is a promise I can give you having lived this life. And, for those of you who have friends who “don’t get you” or make you feel they don’t care – well I would suggest you let them know that they are missing the boat and explain to them why that would be true. If they care they will make the necessary changes. Sometimes that isn’t possible mainly because you and your “past” friend have grown apart. This does indeed happen and the best course of action is to let go and move on. There are many very fun and interesting people to engage with in their stead.

*The Dawning Visions Hypnosis Store is ready for your business. If you liked this weblog, there are many essays of this type in the downloadable book Learnings From My Journey: Suzannisms for the Mind and Soul. Go to:

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Learnings From My Journey: Suzannisms For the Mind and Soul

Learnings From My Journey: Suzannisms for the Mind and Soul is a book of essays based on the wisdom gained through those who have touched me through my own journey in life. Purchase an inspiring copy today from the Dawning Visions Hypnosis Store.

Learnings From My Journey: Suzannisms For the Mind and Soul
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