This may be a bit shocking, however, my first bit of advise for you is to not make a bunch of New Years Resolutions that you won’t end up keeping anyway. Just get that out of your head now! Instead I would like you to think about your life and what it is that is working for you. Do you have a good feeling about the work you do? How are you getting along with the people in your life? Are the relationships feeling healthy and loving? How about your living conditions? Do you like the area in which you live? Do you like the way your home is set up? How about your finances? Are they doing well enough to keep you content and away from worrying about how you will care for yourself? And, what about your health, physical and emotional? How are they doing? What about your spirituality? Are you feeling full up in that area of your life?
From working with people in the area of mental health for 22 years and counting, there is usually one area that is creating the most distress and from there, other areas of one life gets polluted with that bad energy making life harder than it needs to be.
The biggest problem that most people have is allowing toxic people into their lives. All sorts of horrible issues can arise, from headaches, to having accidents all the time, to becoming angry, feeling depressed and frustrated, getting irritable and even having panic attacks. So, if you take an inventory of those people with whom you associate personally and professionally. If you realize that there are one or more people in your life making you miserable, the best thing that you can do is first do your best to clear the air. Let the person know what is going on. Tell them the behavior or the comments that they are making and what it is doing to you. Be honest about it. Then tell them an alternative way to handle the situation going forward. If they are unwilling or unable, it is time for you to remove yourself from that situation.
If it is at your job, get a cross promotion to a different office or a different location if that is possible. It just isn’t worth putting up with feeling miserable because it will wear you down and take your health away. I can promise you that much. If it is a family member, again you will have to take space and spend less or even no time with them if that is what it takes. If you have an abusive spouse, you truly need to first find out what is going on with them medically and get that addressed. If the problem is still there, you will need to separate yourself from that person. It will allow you to find someone who can love and respect you without all the emotional (and physical, if any of that is happening) duress you are currently under. Abuse can be anything from yelling about every little thing, not even pointed in your direction, yet upsetting you just the same, to manipulating you from spending time with your family and friends, isolating you, to physical and sexual abuse.
I have had a couple of clients who suffered terrible headaches because their parents thought they had the right to drop by any time they wanted to visit with their grandchildren. They got that one wrong. The parents are the ones who have the right and responsibility to their own children. Grandparents are given the right to visit when it fits the schedules of the parents and if the parents can do so without the parent being abusive to their own adult children. That was the case with both of my clients. Their parents were very abusive to their own children and thus some separation was necessary and boundaries created.
If you are in a job that you don’t feel is fulfilling, its something that you are doing just to make some money, take the time to think about those things that made you happy as a kid. Those things that when you did them time flew by. Get in touch with those things. Next, figure out if you want to be inside, outside, traveling or in one place. Think of different sorts of jobs that you could do that would fulfill these dreams. It can be done. I did it when I made the decision to stop doing low level work in mental health and got into hypnosis. I have travelled across the country and the world to study as well as to do my work. I love writing and presenting to groups of people and recording my podcasts – so I have found the best combination for me in my career as a hypnotist. I was unhappy in Massachusetts for a long time, dreamed of moving to Southern California and here I am now building my practice out here and loving it. So, nothing needs to b set in stone as long as you are alive and breathing. Create the sort of compelling future that will allow you to be happy and contented.
If you don’t have a spiritual practice, I suggest you figure out something in this world you can do to add to it. Find some cause that resonates with you and volunteer. There are few things that are more fulfilling then volunteering for a cause you believe in. It fits my definition of spirituality because you are making the world better for you having been here.
Financially, figure out what you need to live on and add some money to that for entertainment. It should equal about 55%. The financial people all say to pay yourself first putting some money into an emergency account, another account for expensive things that you want but have to save for to purchase with cash like a car or a downpayment on a home. Put some money into your investment/retirement account and give 10% to charity. You will need about 55% of your earnings to live on, so the rest is divided approximately 10% each other category except for the 5% you put into your ongoing educational fund for books, seminars, courses, and trainings. If you are self-employed, these can be a tax deduction. Ask your tax advisor.
If you are out of shape, find something that is active to do that you enjoy, or you won’t do it. I love walking by the ocean out here. Not necessarily in the sand, though it is a great way to “ground” the electricity of the body into the ground if done barefoot. If you like to dance, go out dancing. If you enjoy sports go play some on a regular basis. Get your butt off the couch and go do something that will get your heart rate up, your endorphins released bringing a healthy glow to your face. After the first month of regular activity you will be amazed how easy it is to go and have fun having created a new habit.
Another area that brings all sorts of problems to people is the lousy diet that is eaten by the average American. Do yourself a favor and limit your use of fast foods. Most of it is garbage to your body. Next, get rid of all the processed foods that you have in your kitchen. Check out your fridge and freezer as well. If there are ingredients on those packages that you can’t pronounce heave them into the trash. Better there then poisoning your body and the body of your family. Stick to one ingredient foods and combine them to make delicious whole food meals. Real food taste great.Give it a try and in about a month’s time you will wonder how it was that you ever ate that other chemical tasting crap.
Minimize your use of sugar. Honey and molasses are fine once in a while in small quantities. And by all means stop using those poison packets of sugar substitute. I don’t care what they call it, its been proven to make you more hungry on top of interfering with your bodies natural mechanisms. So stop using it. If you like Stevia, that is okay.
I wouldn’t do all of these things at once. Take care of your relationships first and then focus on your health and wellbeing. It is amazing how far one can come in a year’s time with a bit of respect for one’s mind and body. Because I have to tell you that the reason that people find themselves in such lousy situations and then getting sick or hurt is because they feel so totally stuck with the status quo. Many don’t even realize all the stress they are under in certain circumstances. However, it is these toxic circumstances that ruin your health and your happiness. So, take this New Year and focus on what feels right for you. You have but one life that we know of for sure, and you have the right to feel loved, respected, healthy and fulfilled. However, it is up to you to make the necessary changes to move forward into more happiness.
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