Vol. 78 July 2009 – Be In Control of Your Own Life
When I was a teenager I worked in my father’s dental office While he was finishing up his paper work I would ask him a lot of questions about how he made the decisions that he did. He answered them quite honestly and for that I will always be grateful, for he left me with so much wisdom after such a relatively short period of time to get to know him as an adult. He passed away at the age 61 when I was 23 years old, 24 years ago now. The great thing though is that the man and his wisdom is continuing to come through to me in ways I could never have imagined all those years ago.
My father was a self made man. Born of a poor family, his father passing away when he was 12, he found himself the youngest in the family with two older sisters, he being the only man in the house.
One of the important ideas that he shared with me was that we can either control or own lives or have it be controlled by someone else. He owned his own practice and worked very hard to build it to the point that it was always busy with many long time patients, patients that were endeared to him for all the humor, and conservative methods he used to get the job done. Very simply he never believed that he had to over sell or over price any of his services, living a good life while being fair to his patients.
He realized that if you were to have a life that was worth living that you had to have authority over your life, and the only way to lose that was to allow others to take your authority away. When he was in dental school his advisor told him that he had to take Spanish to which he retorted that he wasn’t wasting his limited resources to take a class that had nothing to do with the population or the work that he was to be doing and never did take Spanish. With that story it is understood that if one can demonstrate a reasonable explanation to the powers that be one need not be forced to do as others.
In my work with so many of the clients who have come through my practice it was evident that the authority they once had is no longer theirs. They allow their spouses, kids, parents, employers and co-workers and even friends to dictate who they are, what they are to do and the feelings they are to have. Resentment is built up in this way and they have no idea why. The end result being depressed or angry because they no longer feel that they have a place in their own life. Why? Because they have allowed others to tell them how to behave instead taking the authority in their own lives to do as they feel is right for them. In many cases fear of hurting or angering someone is in the main concern. What ends up happening though is that the client has gotten hurt to the point where life isn’t worth the effort. It is difficult to feel that you have any say in how you live while doing as others expect, instead of being very clear about what it is that you expect from others. This isn’t rude, it is necessary so that true relationships can be built based on a mutual respect for one another.
I have always wondered why it is that people are so worried about what others will think of them? This concept never made any sense to me. My feeling is that one can not be friendly with everyone you meet because that would take too much time anyway. It is normal to have some people find you to be super special and others to not understand or care about you. In the end the only thing that truly matters is that who ever it is that you decide to be friendly with likes you for who you are, not some fake rendition of what you think they may like. Remember there is only one you and you are meant to be the person that you are just as your friends are meant to be the people that they are who you enjoy and respect for who they are, not what you want them to be.
If you are a person who is overly concerned with how others view you, or are always going out of your way to please others understand that there are reasons for this behavior, usually doing with lack of self respect. This is occurs when you are growing up and do not feel loved or appreciated by those who brought you into the world. One of the important ideas of neuro-linguistic programming is the concept that people are doing the best with what they have. This means that even if our parents were not able to give us the love and attention that we required there are reasons for their not being able to do so having to do with they way they were raised. We need to understand that no one is perfect including ourselves and to allow for this. However, if you feel that you are in a place in life where you do not matter in your own life I would suggest you find a hypnotist in your area who can help you to build up your self respect and love for your self so that you can create friendships based on being accepted for who you are because life is much fuller when this happens.
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